


All The Times

by DuskLights



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: F/M, Mostly just Slice of life, a little sadness, a little soft, best of both worlds really, kind angsty, not really much plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21890806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuskLights/pseuds/DuskLights
Summary: You could remember every time you fell deeper in love with Chan - From every kiss to every shared goodbye.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	All The Times

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*  
I.

The first time you loved Bang Chan, it was August.

You were curled in on yourself to guard your feet from the autumnal chill, late evening settling. Two feet away from you, on the other side of the cramped tent, lay your best friend. Curly hair turned frizzy in the humid atmosphere, but he didn’t seem to care or even acknowledge it, entirely engrossed in your rant about the most recent changes to your class schedule. He I boded you to meet his friends, coaxing you out of the hibernation you’d slipped into after the break up your first ever love put you through. The distraction quickly became a fun afternoon in itself, and you forgot about the event entirely.

“It’s ridiculous! We get no time between lessons on Tuesday, but on Friday we only have one hour of class!” You huffed out, forehead wrinkling I’m focused frustration.

“Absolutely.” Chan agreed, though you got the feeling he wasn’t truly listening - you had been rambling for a while, after all.

“I just don’t understand who thought it was reasonable.” You weren’t looking at your blanket this time, speaking straight at the boy opposite. In the digital blue light emitting from his phone screen, he looked paler than usual, reflections catching in his dimples and the eyelashes brushing his cheeks.

“Yeah. Totally unfair.” But even his expression didn’t match his words, a smile so gentle and open your heart released all pent up annoyance. In the dimly lit space, inches away from your own bundled form, he was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

II.

The second time you loved Bang Chan was December.

Though by car the journey was simple, neither of you drove yet, making the travel a painful three hours on public transport. You didn’t actually hate it - at least not during summer, when the fields were a flowery cocoon. In winter, nothing stirred outside, leaving your bleak scenery at the mercy of icy winds and rain drumming relentlessly against the bus windows. Your trip was impulsive at best, after two weeks of silent grudges and quietly brewing distance you could no longer bear, yet you had no idea what you might do once you came face to face with the cause of your tangled heartstrings.

Chan met you at the bus stop, not wanting you to face the weather alone, and you were eternally grateful for the time you could spend alone walking to his door step. It was you who insisted on meeting him, anyway - he didn’t have to welcome you.

He broke the silence first, but only by seconds.

“I already know what you’re going to say - And that’s fine. You’re not ready for a relationship yet and I shouldn’t have said that -”

You halted him right then to launch your arms around his neck in a tight grasp.

“Will you go out with me?” With your face buried in his shoulder, only his ear and scarf were visible to you, but you didn’t want to look up just yet. Your stomach prickled with nerves, and when he didn’t immediately respond you leaned back on your heel to dare sneak a glance at his reaction. His cheeks a shone a rosy red from the wind, or maybe from disbelief, which only took moments to turn to a blinding happiness. His hands came to your face, cupping it softly as his nose bumped into yours as he asked if you’re sure - if you returned the sentiments he’d let slip days before.

Without the light pollution from the city lamps, all stars above glittered unabashed and free. With his hand linked in yours in his pocket as he led you home, you let yourself feel a bit of that wild warmth.

III.

The third time you loved Bang Chan was March.

You left the city to work. The first three months of distance were unbearable, his late nights and your early mornings clashing to a point where even a good morning text was a lucky blessing. You dedicated times, however, to call him. When his image lit up your laptop screen, your world dusted itself off and righted all wonky angles and scrapes. He told you every detail about the insufferable clients he had dealt with that day, though the dimples in his cheeks you grew to love so we’re everpresent, letting you know the tired tone he put on was just for show. He loved his job, and though you couldn’t say the same about your own, knowing he’d be waiting for you on the other side eased the emotional toll.

“She was crazy! She wanted to talk to the manager, but Woojin was out so I told her it’s me, right? You should have seen her face!” His nose scrunched in amusement, leaning forward to get a better look at your form dozing off on the other side of the connection.

“Chan?” Your asked, voice heavy with sleep. Fondness blushed across his features at your tired state, hands twitching to reach out and brush away the hair covering your forehead. “Do you think when we live together we can get fairy lights? We can hang them above the bed, they’d look like the lightning bugs your mum keeps telling us about in the garden.”

“Yeah.” He sighs, his gaze warm on your sleeping figure. “Of course we can, baby.”

He didn’t hang up the call, even when he knew you’ll wake up hours before him. That night you both fell asleep together, hours apart with a soft content in your heart, that the future would be better.

IV.

The fourth time you loved Bang Chan was May.

He surprised you with a seaside trip, to a hidden beach not even you knew existed just miles outside your town. You’d worked hard the previous year, allowing you to attend university. The gap year you’d taken between college and uni paid off, letting you rent a city view room in a quaint student flat. The sun lit a fire in your eyes, racing a few steps before him to tumble out onto a stretch of uninterrupted white sands. A scar between two cliffsides, the beach barely passed as a hide out of few hundred meters - but it was pure and beautiful, seaweed decorating its shores and a backdrop of greenery behind you.

Rolling onto one of the many stone blocks scattered at each side of the valley, you let the heat wash over your skin. Chan laid beside you, a cap perched over his face to shield him from the sun, hand resting leisurely on your knee by his side.

“Thank you for finding this place. I had no idea it even existed!” He got his drivers licence just the other month, promising you that the first trip he would make was to free you from the confines of your dorms.

“I want to, now that I can - Now that I can take you places, I want to catch up on the months we missed.” You laid down next to him, head falling perfectly into his shoulder in rehearsed precision. “We went a whole two years apart. I want to fix that. I’m going to take you places you’ve never even heard of before.”

You let a silence fall over you both, taking the time to let the ocean speak. Waves brushed over sand, stealing the pretty shells and few crabs unfortunate enough to be caught in the tide.

“I trust you. Show me what you love.”

V.

The last time you loved Bang Chan was July.

You hadn’t seen him since that day in May. Recently, he had become closed off and distant, preoccupied with secret projects and people you didn’t know the names of or care to remember. It was only now, as you sat in his car with half eaten take out, that you realised these might be the last days your heart would let you love him.

It wasn’t possible, you came to conclude, to fit three years of distance into a few months of effort. It wasn’t possible for you, or him, from the way his eyes never really left the road like they used to to glance at you. His hand on your knee was just a familiar weight, not the pleasant warmth you struggled to now recall. He was everything familiar about your last three years - yet as you let your eyes, too, focus on the road ahead of you, you realised your love had run cold. Perhaps it was when he called you for the last time, months ago, because now he’s too busy to talk. Maybe it was when you started ignored his good morning text because you couldn’t find anything of value to say.

You came to conclude that your love hadn’t been love for a while now, rather a familiar safety net to avoid the inevitable step. You were certain he knew it too, but you couldn’t wait for him to make a move. Like with its beginning, your love’s end would come by you.

So you reached your hand across the distance, letting fingertips brush against the hair curling behind his ear. He smiles at that, a curt yet pleasant twist of the lip, but makes no sound or conversation.

And as your hand stills in his hair, your let your eyes linger on the bridge of his nose, the laughter lines and the dimple in his cheek, allowing yourself to love him one last time.


End file.
